Ever had someone tell you that you don't fit or don't belong? Or maybe even not spoke aloud but it was implied?
We have.
As part of the Women of ITSM you do fit and you do belong but that doesn't automatically allow you to fight the imposter syndrome or the feelings that being in those kinds of toxic environments that built over time.
We're going to give some tips and insight today into ways to combat this.
1 - Start with value
You'll know this one from the wonderful world of service management and the co-creation of value through the delivery of services to customers, but that's not what we're talking about here.
Here we're talking about YOUR values.
To define these you need to start with some basic questions:
What is important to you?
What are the key foundational areas that make you who you are?
What do you believe in? (We're not talking faith here, we're talking about those things that you know to be the true cornerstones of your life)
You may need some help to consider what words define your values, so here's a link to Mind Tools to help you.
2 - Take your time
This may seem like an easy task to just look at a load of words and figure out which ones resonate most with you, but we can assure you it's not something to take lightly.
It's important to bear in mind that you'll see your values differently at different times - for example, if you've had a crappy day at work where someone has been dishonest then one of your values could be "honesty". Whereas on a different day where you've seen someone be true to their word, you may select "integrity". Whilst these two words do not mean the same thing, potentially what they mean to you could mean that either word is suitable.
So take your time.
Don't rush it.
Spend the time to understand not only what words resonate with you but also why those words stand out, what they mean to you and why it is potentially one of your values.
3 - Narrow your choices down
It is likely that a lot of words will jump out at you and say "pick me, pick me" which is fine as a starting point but you want to choose the values that best represent what is important to you. Our suggestion is no more than 5-7 values.
Why?
Well realistically you can have as many values as you please but if you have more than 7, that's a lot to remember and keep track of. There are many values that can fit nicely into a group of similar meaning words, which then allows you to select the one from the group that most aligns with you.
4 - Keep them safe
Once you've decided which words are your values, make a note of them along with the date you've decided what they are.
Why?
Well if you're anything like us, there's a tendency to forget them but also it's a window into who you are at a specific time in your life and it's useful to have a reference point.
Your values may change over time, so we recommend that you review them every 2 to 5 years to check in with yourself and ensure the values you selected are still the best representation of what is important to you.
5 - How to use your values
Now that you've got your foundational words, it's time to put them into action. That may sound a little scary and perhaps a little odd. Don't worry - we're not going to suggest you walk around proclaiming your values.
However...
When you're dealing with other people who do not appear to fall within your values (this could be in the workplace or in your personal life) you have a decision to make - how are you going to manage interactions with this individual? Our advice would be to:
Try to understand their values
Accept that they're different from you
Try to find common ground
Lead with empathy & kindness
There may be occasions where you need to cut the dead weight but that's not easy either in the workplace or outside of work. But is important to set boundaries and limit the impact some individuals have on you.
There's another application for your values.
When you're looking for a new role and checking out the company's website before an interview, make sure you check out their values (if they publish them). Do the company values align with yours? What does it mean if they don't? Is this something that you values can work with?
This also applies for the organisation you're currently working for. If there are fundamental differences with what they value and what you value, is it time to crack out the CV / Resume and look for something new?
A sense of belonging
Those words you've defined as your values are what makes you who you are. So then it's less of a case of "fitting in" and more a case of finding where you belong and with whom.
There is a power and confidence that comes with finding your place in the world but remember that everyone will have a different version of belonging. Some of us have big groups of friends. Others have a smaller circle or even just one good friend. There is no right nor wrong answer or make up of your tribe.
Whatever size your tribe is, with it comes a support network that will help you fight the feelings of being an imposter, that will give you strength when times are tough, people who will celebrate you, people will call you out in a supportive way when you're not taking the best path, etc.
When you invest time in yourself, to understand who you are and what is important to you, you find acceptance and belonging in yourself as well as being open to the tribe that's waiting for you.
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